Elaboration on NYC Apartment Hunt

When I decided to move out of Mom and Dad's cushy pad and into D.C., it was fairly simple. I logged onto Craigslist.com and met Tom the Neocon, Andy the Hipster and Jenny the GW student who lived in a rat-infested hovel, before settling on Gretchers the couch potato. Actually her name was Gretchen, and she watched Charmed, Buffy and Angel religiously. We shared nothing in common except a rent-controlled, spacious apartment. It took about a week to find the perfect place only because I was in no rush. $700/month including utilities. It couldn't have been simpler.

I started looking for apartments on NYC's Craig's List a couple of months ago, but it became clear that it was one of those instantaneous things. If you want to move up there on July 1, then you should start looking only after June 20th or so. There are a ton of places, but those places move fast so you really have to be up there to check out the digs before making a committment. This is a problem because, well, I live and work in DC and will continue to live and work here until July 19 at which point I go to Seattle. By the time I get back, August 1st has suddenly appeared and (sweet fancy moses) I HAVE to be living in New York by August 17. So I planned a couple of weekend trips up there.

Finding an apartment on Craigs List is a bit like searching for the perfect pair of jeans at a flea market. I found one place that was very reasonable but the stipulation in the posting was such that the new roommate had to be Asian and submissive. I'm neither Asian nor submissive and even if I were I wouldn't want to live with someone whose sole requirement was such. I found another place that was free (cue red flashing WARNING sign) but it was an old widower who wanted to "live amongst beauty." Apparently he also wanted to live amongst naked beauty because he insisted that his new 20-something female roommates be nude all the time. The old man did however quell some fears by writing: "I don't want sex. Couldn't have any if I wanted to!" So of course I copied and pasted the ad, sent it to all of my friends and informed them that this would be my new home. Even if I don't find a place, CL has proved to be most entertaining.

Still, I had emailed a lot of normal-sounding, non-nudist potential roommates, who offered extremely cheap rents. Most of these (I thought) great finds were located in a little neighborhood known as Washington Heights. "Hey Neat!" I thought to myself, "it has Washington in the name, so it must be great." Then I emailed a friend who just moved up there a month ago to inquire about the area.

She relayed this information to me on behalf of her friend who's lived up there for a couple of years: "It's all Orthodox Jews and gangs."

Seriously? Another friend told me that it's "up-and-coming." That is a sure euphemism if I've ever heard one.